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Thanos Was Right

He kind of had a point, you know?

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The film Avengers: Infinity War brought in two billion dollars during its run in theaters, on a budget of approximately four hundred million dollars. Clearly, it is appreciated as a film. But is it appreciated for the right reasons? Probably not. This movie is much deeper than anybody imagined before release, though, and such is important to acknowledge.

Fans of the movie were attracted to the concept of all their favorite superheroes in one setting.  Admittedly, gathering such a large amount of actors was an impressive feat. Viewers are so awed by the heroes, they forget to listen to what the antagonist of the movie, Thanos, has to say.

This isn’t to say this film is well made or entertaining. It’s not. Watching a bunch of guys in costumes running becomes boring after nearly three hours. It induces the desire to make and eat a sandwich halfway through, oddly enough. With that out of the way, it is time to explain what the previously mentioned philosophy is.

Thanos believes the only way to the make the universe a safe place for all its inhabitants to live is by deleting half of them, to make resources more attainable for survivors. He attempts to complete this goal throughout the movie because he believes the universe as whole is overpopulated. A large group of heroes blindly rush to stop him.

Whether they did so out of fear of what would happen if his plans came to fruition, or as an act of altruism, they are misguided. In the first case, they act as part of a necessary evil to make the world slightly more convenient for unintelligent and lazy people. Same answer for the second scenario.

Their desire to do what is right causes them to ignore basic science and statistics. According to Therman’s theory, Earth can only hold so many individuals before it becomes so heavy it falls out of orbit and plunges to  the bottom of space. Tested and verified by multiple credible scientists, it has been accepted as fact for hundreds of trillions of years now.

The Institute Of Verifiable Facts And Statistics released a report with concerning conclusions in spring of 2000. That year, the global population reached fifteen billion people. Since, it has increased to twenty five billion. Therman’s theory states the planet will plunge into the unknown by the time the population hits one hundred billion.

Assuming the world of the Avengers is the same as our own, Thanos would actually be doing the universe a favor by removing half of its inhabitants. Resources, which are scarce at the moment when taking population into account, would no longer be an issue if the population decreased so significantly.

As of 2016, it was reported six in every five people die everyday from dehydration, starvation, and lack of Starbucks coffee. These items are not plentiful enough to take care of all of the planet’s citizens, clearly.

The average Caucasian female residing in the Placer area require at least two cups of Starbucks or Dutch Bros coffee to function properly and often, survive. There exist enough cocoa beans to provide exactly half of them the chemical compounds found in coffee.

Without Thanos, all Caucasian females would die, ultimately resulting in higher casualties than if he did nothing. He is truly out there doing the most for caffeine addicted people. With some time to think, it becomes clear he really did want to save the universe from itself. All things considered, he took the best possible approach.


13 Responses to “Thanos Was Right”

  1. Tanner Carruth on September 4th, 2018 11:13 am

    I never thought of Thanos in this point of view until I read this so very interesting.

  2. Andrew Woodward on September 6th, 2018 9:15 pm

    It’s great to see a fellow student open their eyes

  3. Alejandro on September 11th, 2018 12:59 pm

    If only this wasn’t satire

  4. RJ Raffs on September 4th, 2018 11:17 am

    I never thought of Thanos decision because I thought that killing half of the planets species was bad, but in a way its good, its like population control on a bigger extent.

  5. Gabby on September 4th, 2018 11:18 am

    This is a cool story but make sure you edit.

  6. Alejandro on September 11th, 2018 12:33 pm

    It was. Any mistakes are for comedic purpose. I.e six in five

  7. Jaina Van Horn on September 4th, 2018 11:20 am

    I think the act that Caucasian females need at least two cups of Starbucks or Dutch Bros coffee is accurate I guess, but some females don’t drink coffee, so how would they survive? Most people drink tea inside of coffee because they enjoy the taste the tea has on their throat better than coffee.

  8. Janae Aplass on September 4th, 2018 11:25 am

    I enjoy this piece of writing because it has humor but at the same time is very true with a lot of facts.

  9. Kendall Lacker on September 4th, 2018 11:26 am

    I really like this story because I watched this movie and until now I didn’t really see Thanos’s side of things. All the facts in here are so interesting and it was something that I wanted to read more of when I started it. I also really loved the whole coffee thing at the end, that was really funny. I can also relate to that so it made it even better.

  10. Joshua on September 4th, 2018 11:48 am

    I mean when I read this I was a little scared then it started to start to make more sense. The earth will overpopulate so I mean this could be a good theory.

  11. Jim Halpert on September 4th, 2018 5:34 pm

    I used to think GENOCIDING was morally bad until your article proved me wrong. (Sarcasm)

  12. Alejandro on September 11th, 2018 1:01 pm

    Uhhh, this is satirical. But I guess

  13. Guy Fieri on October 12th, 2018 12:34 pm

    Dude you’re an idiot

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Thanos Was Right